Home

About Homedaddy

Archives

Subscribe

Tell A Newspaper

Contact

Music

Publisher's Area

Homedaddy Quiz

Before you make the decision to enter the booming Homedaddy field, take a few moments and test your aptitude.

1. How do you react to a piercing scream emitted inches from your ear? A. Take it in stride, B. Jump out of your seat, C. Drop your beer, D. Draw your gun

2. What is your reaction to being suddenly awakened in the middle of the night? A. concern, B. annoyance, C. rage, D. earplugs

3. What do you consider to be an acceptable level of background noise? A. The pitter-patter of little feet, a barking dog, the "Teletubbies" theme song on the TV, a phone ringing, knocking at the door, some random screaming and crying, and two different radios tuned to different stations at high volume, B. Burl Ives nursery rhyme albums and the drone of an old washing machine, C. books on tape, or D. nothing at all, just peace and quiet.

4. Your idea of a nice day at home is: A. sorting laundry and running a load of whites, B. reading the collected works of Dr. Suess, C. relax and watch a ballgame, or D. nothing at all, just peace and quiet

5. You are trying to encourage your baby to eat a creamed, processed, spinach-derived product. You perform a detailed pantomime depicting ingestion of same, and the resulting profound yummy sensation in the abdominal region. Baby's resolve weakens for a moment and he actually eats a spoonful. Your reaction is to: A. offer praise and encouragement, B. sneak the next bite in as soon as possible, before the taste buds have a chance to check in with the brain, C. put your hands on your hips and say "There, now that didn't kill you did it?" D. laugh and point while yelling "He fell for it!"

Score 20 points for each "A" answer, 10 points for each "B," 5 points for each "C," and zero points for each "D" answer.

How do you stack up?

Over 80: Homedaddy Hall of Fame material. You didn't have time for this quiz because you are busy making homemade mint jelly and drying organic tomatoes for the winter and singing the alphabet song and talking on the phone and demonstrating the hokey pokey and scrubbing out the diaper pail and teaching your child how to make model dinosaurs out of discarded aluminum foil. You make Martha Stewart feel like a slob. When you take the baby out for a walk you gather a wildflower bouquet to arrange in the entry hall to give your wife a little welcome-home surprise before giving her a full body massage, during which you lull the baby to sleep with ethnic nursery rhymes from around the world sung in authentic dialects.

70-80: go for it; you'll probably do fine
60-70: could pull it off provided child is a complete angel
50-60: marry someone who wants to be a full-time mom
40-50: marry someone with grown children
30-40: marry someone who wants to raise chinchillas
20-30: don't get married
10-20: don't ever have sex again
0 -10: don't leave it to chance; get a vasectomy

send this column to a friend!
have a comment about this column?

© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.