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Holiday Video Review

Back in the old days before my high horse was sent off to the glue factory I always thought that if I had a child, I would spare her the ravages of television. She'll meet her share of knuckleheads, creeps, and salesmen the minute she's old enough to step out of the house, so why bother turning on the tube before then?

For a little peace and quiet, that's why. Emma will be two years old in March, and you could say that my idealism has been tempered somewhat. She loves her Dr. Seuss videos, as well as a couple of others, and by now I am just relieved that she isn't watching Jerry Springer.

It is a personal requirement of mine that her videos all contain some educational content; that way I can forgive myself for plunking her in front of the Idiot Box while I get lost in the hedonistic bliss of standing motionless and staring into a corner for a few minutes.

Even though small children love repetition and will watch the same video ten thousand times in a row, you must be prepared for the day when they suddenly demand something new. Fortunately or otherwise, there is no shortage of videos aimed at children, thus the burden falls to the discriminating parent to sort through the avalanche of advertising disguised as animated characters and fuzzy puppets. This week, Homedaddy reviews a few of the recent holiday offerings.

"Humbug! It's The Teletubbies!" - The four loveable, fat-butted, terry cloth androids get caught up in a flurry of Christmas activities, including searching in vain for mall parking, waiting in line at the post office, and getting a ticket from a meter maid in a Santa hat. In a special musical number, little Po is visited by a magic star that teaches her to say "gimme."

"Mickey's Christmas Tantrum" - This video features your favorite Disney characters in a series of endearing short stories. Your child will learn the fun way that love, respect, and sharing might be important, but that all three of them plus twenty five cents will get you a replacement Christmas tree light bulb. This video also carries an important message for the parents of older kids: They will hate whatever you get them, so don't risk tarnishing their dreams by getting what they've asked for.

"Barney's Fact-Finding Mission" - The Valium-addled dinosaur and his pals travel to the North Pole to protest child labor conditions among the elves. In a madcap turn of events, they wind up going to work for Santa as his personal PR team after being offered sizable retainers and stock options. They stay on at the Pole through Christmas in order to attend Santa's legendary New Year's Eve party, only to be stranded there forever when the Y2K bug crashes the navigational equipment in their airplane.

Each of these are fine videos in their own right, with lovable characters and positive underlying messages your children will remember long after they have forgotten your name.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.