Home

About Homedaddy

Archives

Subscribe

Tell A Newspaper

Contact

Music

Publisher's Area

Baby Shower

Although most babies love bath time, there are some who hate having their hair washed. This isn't an issue for infants sporting little or no hair, but by about two years of age, most toddlers are using what they have to full advantage, as a display medium for maple syrup.

When a toddler hates something, you'll know about it; in fact, everyone on your block will know about it. A recalcitrant toddler being subjected to shampoo by force will do his best to convince the neighbors that his toes are being removed with pruning shears. Given the acoustical properties of the average bathroom, you can expect some long-term hearing loss.

An aversion to hair-washing is regrettable. The dried syrup does make a certain fashion statement, in a low-rent mohawk sort of way, and although it is true that there is something vaguely comforting about having a baby that smells like a pancake breakfast, it only interferes with the olfactory cues essential to prompt diaper attention.

The only thing some babies hate more than being shampooed is waiting for you to take a shower. Unless you move a TV set into the bathroom, the duration of your shower will depend entirely on her mood.

A bored baby rapidly deteriorates into a panicked baby, which spells trouble. A panicked baby is a danger to himself and to society, even if your bathroom is "toddler compliant." It is necessary, while showering, to keep one's ears tuned to the slightest rumblings of discontent in order to finish up and get out before the kid goes off like an air raid siren and passing motorists call Child Protective Services.

You will learn to take faster showers that you ever thought possible, and no time-saving idea is too ridiculous. I personally recommend the use of a hand-held spray nozzle, which allows one to rinse the soap from one's nether regions much faster than would be possible under a standard shower spray, unless you stand on your head and bicycle your legs in the air, which, according to the Consumer Safety Bureau, is the number one cause of fatal bathroom accidents.

There are plenty of days when a shower is not in the cards at all. Since your hair will often look as though you spent the night in a vacant lot, it is advantageous to have a good supply of baseball caps on hand.

It is now common knowledge among the more enlightened folks that you can't get babies to do things your way through brute force, although it is still being attempted in many places. No, you have to be sneaky. Today's Homedaddy Tip: Don't put maple syrup on the pancakes. Use shampoo instead. The baby will get plenty of it worked nicely into the hair. Don't worry if she doesn't eat the pancakes. She's saving her appetite for goldfish crackers.

send this column to a friend!
have a comment about this column?

© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.