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Meals and Deals

In accordance with the Human Race¾ Employee Manual, when a baby reaches a certain stage of development, she is promoted to Toddler, a position with an entirely new scope. The Toddler Mission Statement, as quoted from the manual: "To realize that I am actually a distinct and separate human being in my own right, and not actually a piece of my mother that can detach and move around the room of its own accord, only to re-attach when the mood strikes."

The Toddler's job description calls for periods of refusal to cooperate with any activity suggested by a parent, in order to determine which of these activities are essential to sustaining life. In the face of such tactics, parents must be very careful to pick the right battles. No point getting into a screaming tug-of-war over the choice of socks, only to run out of gas and get apathetic when she becomes curious about power tools.

Infants get upset at the drop of a hat but then get over it just as quickly. Toddlers are burdened with a longer attention span, and will hold a grudge for hours, if not decades. Suddenly, the parent finds that life is a series of negotiations. There are several popular models for negotiating with toddlers:

Authoritarian model: "Because I said so." A totally ineffective strategy unless you plan to rent out the spare room fourteen years from now.

Sports model: "I'll trade you this piece of zucchini now for a vegetable to be named later." Equally worthless. Toddlers are notorious for refusing to make good on these deals.

Confectionery model: A sugar-based reward system that provides a quick fix but lacks behavioral merit in the long term. A particularly bad choice at bedtime.

Seussian, also known as the "Green Eggs and Ham" model: Wearing the child down with endless variations on the theme until she relents. "Would you, could you with a goat, in a boat, with a fox, in a box, on a train in the rain ..."

Remember, when negotiating, that you must always keep your word. If you say "one more bite," you'd better mean it, and if you say "one more bite then we'll have ice cream," you'd better not be yanking anyone's chain. Never make an offer you are not prepared to honor, and stay on your toes; your child will catch on faster than you expect.

Last week, during a very healthy lunch that required much negotiating, Emma's interest lagged. She stared wistfully off into space and mumbled something like, "Onga pah ..." Since she usually speaks very clearly, I wondered if she was feeling well. I prompted her: "What did you say? You want to go to the park?"

That was all it took. She snapped back to attention, looked me right in the eye and said, "OK."

Well, a deal's a deal. After a little while at the park she got hungry and we came home and finished lunch.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.