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Normal in a Crazy World

If you want to succeed as a Homedaddy¾ you have to stay on top of all of the current professional literature, and that's not just reading Curious George several times a day. There are dozens of glossy parenting magazines and hundreds of websites you must read hourly, in addition to scanning all the newspapers you can get your hands on.

Although the IRS will probably not accept your subscription to Highlights Magazine as a business deduction, do not be discouraged in your quest for knowledge as you navigate the welter of parenthood. Take care, however. Much of the information you will encounter is contradictory in nature.

In honor of Emma's rapidly approaching second birthday, I was reading up on toddler behavior and the so-called "Terrible Twos." One recent study, conducted by Serious People In Lab Coats, found that uncontrollably negative toddler behavior has less to do with the child's inherent temperament than with the stress and anxiety in the parents' lives.

To the frustrated parent, this may not come as the most helpful information.

Here's the scene: You're trying to leave the drugstore. Your child has latched onto the rotating sunglass rack and will not let go despite your coaxes, pleas, and bribes. Any attempt to lift her will topple the display. While reminding her that she has fourteen pairs of sunglasses at home, you gently begin to pry her little fingers loose, which causes her to emit a scream that makes Jimi Hendrix roll over in his grave and stick his fingers in his ears.

All eyes in the building turn toward you, and you know, in that instant, that everyone else has read this article, and as you stand there in judgment, your anxiety level spikes. Nice job. According to that study, you've just guaranteed another day of tantrums. Thanks a lot, Lab Coats.

Then there's the flip side. A front page article in Wednesday's San Jose Mercury News describes research showing that increasing numbers of preschoolers as young as age 2 are being treated with "behavior altering drugs," including stimulants, antidepressants, and antipsychotic drugs. See? It's not your fault after all!

Now, excuse me, but I thought 2-year-olds are lunatic by nature ... oh, yeah, right, and because their parents are hand-wringing, whimpering blobs of jello. How naughty does a toddler have to be in order to qualify for a dose?

Children under age 2 were beyond the scope of the study. According to the article, certain computer limitations prohibited the study from including data on medication use in infants 1-year-old and younger. The constraints of a 2-digit field for date of birth made it impossible to distinguish those 1 year old and younger from 100- and 101-year-olds. But honestly, how many 100-year olds are being treated for hyperactivity?

I think the whole world is crazy. Toddlers are just starting to get a sense of it, so they act appropriately. Do yourself and your child a favor and don't read too much about parenting. Go outside and play instead.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.