Home

About Homedaddy

Archives

Subscribe

Tell A Newspaper

Contact

Music

Publisher's Area

Mosquito Networking

During the recent streak of hot weather, driven to desperate measures by our lack of air conditioning, we spent a few nights with the windows thrown wide open. This total disregard for the consequences led to the inadvertent discovery of a simple but effective mosquito control plan, which is to keep a small, defenseless child sleeping nearby.

Mosquitoes tend to breed in bodies of standing water around one's property, or perhaps in my case, among the dirty dishes in the sink. And why, you might ask, do I not have screens on the windows? OK, it is a good question, I'll grant you that; let's just say it is on my list of things to do. After this week it has moved up a couple of notches.

Emmma collected five or six bites on her cheeks that quickly swelled to dramatic proportions. Mosquito bites, as we all know, do not hurt, but boy, do they itch, and this is where things get tricky.

How, exactly, is one to convince a two-year-old not to scratch at her mosquito bites? One technique recommended by expert geeks who live alone with no children is to sit down with your child and slowly and calmly explain what mosquitoes are, how and why they bite, and the chemical reactions that take place in the skin which cause the irritation. The trick is to maintain eye contact and continue talking for three or four days until the swelling goes down.

If this doesn't work, you can try calamine lotion which soothes the itch but creates an attractive pink crust which will make her look like the loser in a paintball war. While it seems to control the itching, it is also apparently irresistible to the touch, and functions as a "warm up" layer to work on before she gets down to her actual skin. At this point most parents resort to the time-honored and highly ineffective technique of nagging the child every few seconds to stop scratching at the bites.

Parents of the truly incorrigible picker may want to try out one of those white plastic cone-collars used to prevent dogs from chewing on themselves. Although they are undoubtedly a fashion faux pas (George Jetson does Shakespeare), they do get the job done. Even if your child looks like she is wearing a satellite dish, at least she'll be getting all the premium channels at a fraction of the cost of cable TV.

Fearing the judgement of friends and neighbors, I stuck with traditional methods, but despite my constant refrain of "Don't pick at it," the condition of Emma's mosquito bites deteriorated to the point that she appeared to be disguised as a piece of beef jerky.

Everyone has a method to stop a kid from scratching mosquito bites. The American Psychiatric Association endorses the use of straitjackets, The Sierra Club suggests wool mittens, and The International Phamaceutical Manufacturers propose an array of behavior-altering drugs. The Painters and Plasterers Union, taking their traditional stance against scabs, recommends a long-lasting, spray-on stucco finish.

I think I'll try window screens.

send this column to a friend!
have a comment about this column?

© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.