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In The Land Of The Giants

We had already taken Emma to see two major league baseball games at The-Ballpark-Formerly-Known-As-Candlestick, so during this week's visit to San Francisco, we decided to take in a game at Pacific Bell Park, the new home of the Giants.

The last time Emma had been to a game was a year ago at one year of age; she spent most of the time on our laps and even slept through the late innings. Now that she is able to locomote and demand junk food under her own power, I had to consider the possibility of buying an extra ticket. Not necessary, according to the ticket office, as long as she can sit on your lap during the game without disturbing the fans in front of her.

I knew she wouldn't stay on our laps, but I also knew she wouldn't stay in a seat either, so I heeded my Inner Cheapskate and skipped the third ticket. She was constantly on the go after the first inning, and the people in front of us would have never known she was there if not for a negligible amount of soda down the back of their necks.

Tip for parents: Don't bother buying good seats. It makes sense with an infant, but a toddler keeps you too busy for serious watching. While I thoroughly enjoyed the ambience, I was only dimly aware that there was a game in progress. Buy cheap seats; you'll need the extra money for food, drinks, and souvenirs. The last time I paid six-fifty for a beer there were six of them, and they threw in a handy little cardboard carrying case for free.

Being surrounded by thousands of people gorging themselves on all manner of junk food can be a powerful experience in the life of a toddler. Here's another tip: Get a nutritious meal down the hatch before coming to the game; it's a long night and the temptations are many. Emma went right to the big guns, calling for ice cream, and it took two innings to plea-bargain her down to lemonade, which seemed to satisfy.

We were in the clear for another inning till then vendor came down the steps, bellowing "Ice cream! Getcha ice cream right here!" Once again, parental authority eroded by social excess. Thanks a lot, buddy.

I browsed the stadium gift shop, which was itself large enough to house a couple of minor league teams. They even have a section just for babies, where I found an official Giants sippy cup, autographed by first baseman J.T. Snow, who is, mysteriously, the only player to endorse such an item. While other athletes are fooling around with soft drink and shoe endorsements, Snow has established himself as The Man in the sippy cup industry. At eleven dollars, it was the bargain of the day.

I give the new ballpark high marks, overall. I just think it would be better if they could train the ice cream vendors to yell: "I-C-E C-R-E-A-M! Getcha I-C-E C-R-E-A-M here!"

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.