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Bedtime, The Beginning of the End

Children are wired by nature to push against all limits, and bedtime is the last great challenge of the day. It is a complicated, multi-stage process, which offers various opportunities for defiance, at a time when many parents are just plain out of gas. Since most toddlers, sensing that the end is near, will pull all the stops, a parent, like a long-distance runner, must hold some energy in reserve for a finishing kick.

When commencing the bedtime process, pajamas, or "jammies," as they are known in the trade, can provide a toddler with an excellent opportunity to stall. Given half a chance, a child will affect deep concern over the type of garment selected when in reality he doesn't give a fig what he wears. Rather than presenting an open-ended decision, offer a simple choice: Would you rather wear the red jammies, or watch C-SPAN?

The next step is brushing teeth, and if anyone has a clue about how to brush a reluctant child's teeth without a struggle, I'd like to know about it. Common toddler tactics include clamping the jaws shut in what could only be construed as a defiant gesture. Attempts to pry the jaws open should be avoided; this is an aggressive action which will erode the child's trust in you and also probably require emergency plastic surgery to re-attach your fingertips. If you must offer a reward for toothbrush cooperation, make sure it is something thematically consistent, like a sticker depicting a sleeping teddy bear. Avoid treats such as peanut brittle, which are at cross-purposes with your immediate goals.

In selecting bedtime books, remember: the shorter the better. Provide a low bookshelf that can be easily reached by your child, to enable her to make her own selections, but make sure there is never any inappropriate material lurking there. Nothing by Tolstoy, Michener, or Webster.

When physically navigating to the bed, children will often call upon a hidden cache of energy at this time in order to bolt to another part of the house, if not out into the street, so a vigilant adult escort is advised. As a physical reminder, you might paint a wide yellow stripe on the floor leading from the bookshelf to the bed. I have found that the use of red velvet ropes creates an austere, museum-like quality that is equally appropriate for displaying Emma's art projects.

Even after you reach the promised land of Lights Out, your child still holds another trump card: Monsters. If your child is afraid of monsters, the best strategy is to show him a notarized report from a licensed monster inspection service showing that there is no evidence of monster activity anywhere on the premises. Assure the child that you have been trained to recognize telltale signs of infestation, such as monster droppings under the beds, and that you will not hesitate to call in the professionals at the slightest hint of trouble.

It is critical that your child gets a good night's sleep, because otherwise, you'll never get yours.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.