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Time And Punishment

In the Old Days, disciplining a kid was easy. You simply smacked him with the back of your hand, or took a swing at her with any available object, and then sent her out to milk the cows before school, with the result that he or she would grow up to be a well-adjusted PE teacher or campaign manager.

These days, parents are presented with a long list of reasons to refrain from physical punishment: it teaches violence, it creates fear and anger in the child, it teaches the wrong moral lesson, and it might not be successful in changing the child's behavior.

People who hit their kids nonetheless will often try to explain that they were spanked as children and that it did them a world of good. A pretty strange claim, coming, as it does, from adults who now hit little kids.

Alternatives to spanking include the "I am going to count to three" maneuver, which, if uttered in a convincingly threatening tone, can be effective once or twice. Unfortunately, to make it work, you need to have a plan of action at the ready in case the child calls you bluff and figures out that you're all sizzle and no steak. The first time I told Emma I was gong to count to three, she gave me a funny look as if to say, "And then what?" Good question. Get into your room by the time I count to three, or I'll ð keep going up to six, I'm warning you!

Most authorities advocate the use of the Time-Out, a period during which the child is removed from a troublesome situation, preferably by several states, although usually the next room will suffice. Parenting expert Suzanne Dixon, M.P., M.P.H., B.F.D., explains that this is the child's "chance to calm down, regroup, and remember what is expected of him, and get organized again," which makes it sound more like an executive round of golf than a disciplinary measure.

It is suggested that a special chair be set up in a neutral location that is totally devoid of stimulation, such as the corner of the dining room, or the middle of the floor at the Republican convention. On the question of duration, the various schools of thought are divergent, as usual.

The official rules of the National Basketball Association stipulate that Time-Outs last 100 seconds, or until the end of the beer commercials, whichever comes last.

The International Society of Concerned Geologists with Dandruff, stressing the need for cause-and-effect, suggests that an effective Time-Out must last for at least 100 million years. What good would it do for Junior to emerge from his corner only to find all of the continents exactly as they were?

The Institute of Applied Quantum Physics reminds us that a Time-Out cannot simply be viewed as a matter of duration, but rather, as an event which exists beside its place coordinates x, y, z, at a time value t.

Personally, I have found Time-Outs to be extremely effective. I only wish I could take them more often.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.