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Ask Homedaddy: Imaginary Playmates

Judging from the overwhelming response to last week's column, it seems that most young children are brimming with questions regarding home, family, and life in general. In keeping with my spotless record of public service, I once again present "Ask Homedaddy," an open forum to address the concerns of our babies and toddlers, or as they are known among the politically correct, Persons of Recent Existence.

Dear Homedaddy,
When I was born, my parents were absolute models of perfect behavior. They waited on me hand and foot. Wild horses couldn't tear them from my side. Now that I am "this many" years old (I am holding up some fingers), it seems that they make excuses to get away from me whenever possible. My father now has invented a pair of imaginary playmates, named "Boss" and "Client," that can summon him mysteriously at any time, which causes him to abandon whatever game is underway and bolt out the door. In a lame effort to convince me that these people are real, he leaves the house and hides behind the front door all day. I tried to trick him once by sneaking up on the door before flinging it open without warning and jumping out to surprise him, but he must have heard me coming and fled to the bushes just before I got there. I have tried to let him know that his "playmates" are welcome here by suggesting that he bring them over to our house, but he just rolls his eyes and says, "Not." I am worried that his involvement with these two imaginary friends will escalate to the point where he prefers their company to his own family.

Concerned in Cucamonga

Dear Concerned,
It is normal for a parent to develop imaginary playmates, and according to our research, "Boss" and "Client" are the two most popular names. There may be underlying reasons why parents choose to play with an imaginary friend more often than with you. Since imaginary friends can help parents deal with the anxieties of life, they often come into being at times of change or stress. For example, if the family car needs repairs, your father might invoke an imaginary playmate called "Boss" in order to cope with the very common irrational adulthood fear of lacking "money," another imaginary concept common to adults. In addition to names, imaginary playmates are also credited with well-developed personalities. Often, they are cruel and selfish, thus allowing the parent to express negative feelings without having to take full ownership of them. To avoid facing the responsibility for denying your request for a simple toy, such as a zebra, or a Concorde jet, your parent may attempt to transfer blame to the imaginary "Boss" for not providing enough "money." By taking the blame, the imaginary friend becomes a comfort object to help them deal with an unpleasant situation. They'll outgrow it. By the time they hit their mid-60s, most parents lose interest in these imaginary playmates and turn their attentions to more down-to-earth activities such as golf, bingo, and slot machines.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.