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Baby, Take Two

After having one child, how much tougher is it to manage a second one? On this question, multiple-child parents are typically divided into two camps. One group takes the position that it's no big deal, your life has already been irreversibly changed, and it'll just be more of the same. The second group, a haggard bunch with the bug-eyed countenances of the chronically-overwhelmed, claim that each additional child represents an exponential increase; another full point on the Richter scale of parental stress.

And why, you ask, do I ask?

Yes, we are expecting another baby, on or about New Year's Day. Another daughter, according to the amniocentesis voodoo ritual.

By now, Julia's belly is growing so fast it creaks like someone rubbing a balloon, and the movements of the New One beneath the surface remind me that the time for speculation will soon be over. Reality will make itself known.

Am I worried? No. "Worry" doesn't really begin to cover it. True, we've been through this before, but this time there's a new wrinkle: How will Emma handle it?

Althogh we've done our best not to spoil her, Emma has enjoyed a two and a half year run as top banana, having overtaken the incumbent dog and cat in a landslide victory. This will be the first real challenge to her authority.

As usual, parenting literature is awash with advice on sibling rivalry. Through exhaustive reasearch, conducted by briefly scanning several "Mom's" websites that consist primarily of banner ads for makeup and fad diets, I have distilled the most current schools of thought down to a few key points:

1. Tell your child in advance about the new baby. To have you go away for a few days and return with a new baby can be frightening.

A brilliant piece of advice, probably the long-awaited result of expensive research conducted under strict laboratory conditions. During the pregnancy, don't forget to make a passing reference to a new baby, lest #1 look upon that tummy-hump as some elaborate practical joke. Advance warning will will give the first child some time to enjoy her last days of solitude, to put her affairs in order, and to establish a top-secret hiding place for special toys.

2. Have your child help in caring for the new arrival.

Three years old is not too young to get up in the middle of the night to attend to the newborn's feeding and changing. She will learn discipline skills that will be essential later in life, should she decide to become a paramedic. The enriching experience of being yanked out of REM sleep several times each night will establish her role in the family dynamic, thus eliminating any possibility of future rivalry.

3. Set aside time each day to spend with your older child.

A scheduled fifteen minute appointment, from 1:00 to 1:15 each afternoon will let her know that she is important to you. Buy her a Fisher-Price Silly-Skedge Day Planner to help her learn the seven habits of highly effective toddlers.

I hope and trust that Emma will eventually view the arrival of her new baby sister as a blessed event, as well as job security for me.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.