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Ask Homedaddy: Hurry Up and Wait

Can you teach an old parent new tricks? "Ask Homedaddy" provides the sage advice toddlers crave, at a price they can afford.

Dear Homedaddy,
My parents are the most impatient people I have ever met in my three long years on this planet. When they say, "Put on your shoes, it's time to go," I immediately drop what ever I am doing (even if it is a full glass of milk) and go to my bedroom. I know how to choose my own shoes and get them out of the drawer, so I'll wait there patiently while my parents get sidetracked on some wild goose chase like cleaning up a milk puddle that isn't going anywhere anyway, so what's the hurry? Eventually they remember what it was that seemed so totally urgent a few minutes earlier, and they stomp into the room with their noses all out of joint like it was my fault they decided to take the scenic route. I am ready to commence the process of shoe selection, which consists of an intricate ritual that need not be documented here, except to say that a failure to observe it accurately would result in a disaster of apocalyptic proportions. My parents, thinking they can short-circuit the process just because they're in a hurry, attempt to grab any old shoes from the drawer and force them on to my feet. In order to save the universe from a sudden and violent end, I must physically stop them, although a good sharp scream usually does the trick. My parents, seemingly unable to grasp the fact that I am already standing there waiting to get the ball rolling, feel the irrational need to assert themselves at this point. They will say something like, "Put your shoes on right now," to which I answer "I am!" Then we get into an argument about whether or not we have actually begun putting on shoes. For people who claim to be running late, they sure can waste time. They get so impatient waiting for things to happen naturally that they spend twice as much time making trouble over it. What can I do to help them learn to be more patient?
Signed, Imelda

Dear Imelda,
There are several ways you can teach patient behavior to your parents. Give them little reminders of things to do to regain their self-control, such as counting to ten, reciting the alphabet, or simply walking away from the situation and returning only after they have calmed down. If they cannot control their impatience, give them a special project so they can have something constructive to do while they wait for you. Monitor them closely for signs that they are becoming impatient, such as sighing and looking repeatedly at a wristwatch. If a parent starts speaking to you in That Tone of Voice about hurrying up right now, you should immediately switch to another activity to defuse the situation. Most of all, you should model patient behavior yourself. When everyone is in a mad rush to get out the door, this is a good time to step back, take some deep breaths, and relax.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.