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Slumber Party

We always allowed Emma to sleep with us, with the expected result that during her second year she became interested in having her own bed, at least some of the time. Recently, however, her progress toward nighttime independence has gone into retrograde, due no doubt to the appearance of a pint-sized interloper with unlimited Mommy access. It seems like a terrible time to enforce strict sleeping requirements. Rather than giving a jump-start to Nature's Miracle of sibling rivalry, we've declared the family bed a Total Access Area.

We don't really care one way or the other. Worrying about sleep interruption with a newborn in the house makes about as much sense as voting in Florida. It's fine with me if Emma wants to be in our bed. Once she gets to sleep, she's out like a rock on sodium pentothal. It beats being called into another bedroom during the night to be informed that one of her dolls needs a drink of water.

The Parenting Advice Industry is embroiled in controversy on the question of sleeping arrangements. Should parents bring the baby into their bed, should they employ a stand-alone crib in their bedroom, or should the baby be encouraged to rent his own apartment? Researchers, psychologists, and assorted frauds have seen fit to weigh in on this issue as if their grant money depended on it.

Last year there was quite a flap over some "research' that "indicated" that it was dangerous for babies to sleep in the parents' bed, since it could be possible for a parent to roll over during sleep and crush the baby. This finding stood in direct contradiction to the full-service approach of so-called Attachment Parenting, until it was discovered that the research focused on a single incident involving a couple of 500-pound, glue-addicted, amateur mud wrestlers sharing a twin bed.

A cautionary tale about dangers of permissive parenting, or an example of Darwinian theory in action? You make the call.

As usual, opinions are deeply divided. The position taken by Support for Parents Offering Infinite Leniency (SPOIL) is that all needs and expectations of children must be met, including sleep preferences and the desire to eat nothing but graham crackers for the first eighteen years of life.

On the other end of the spectrum is the Society for Promotion of Aggressive and Nasty Kids (SPANK). According to spokesman Justin Cribbe, "The very idea of a baby sleeping in bed with the parents is sick and perverted. It makes me shudder to imagine what might happen!"

Meanwhile, the Association of American Building Contractors suggests that babies sleep in their own cribs, preferably in their own rooms, and they also wish to point out that a room addition to your home is less expensive than you might think.

My advice is to do whatever it takes for everyone to get some decent sleep. Some parents don't mind being nudged now and then during the night, while other parents are more comfortable with the sound of a baby screaming helplessly from another room. Hey, not that I'm biasedð

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.