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Second Time's a Charm

Our decision to have a second child was not as tough as the decision to have the first one. Since Stella is still technically a newborn, I can, at this time, only speculate on the long-term ramifications on lifestyle impact.

Popular opinion seems to be split evenly between two camps: the What-The-Hell-YouàNever-Get-Out-Anymore-Anyway faction, and the Aw-Jeez-You-Think-Your-Life-Is-Crazy-Now-Just-You-Wait group. Both sides present compelling arguments.

Those in support of a second child base their position on certain fundamental principles: 1. The crevices of you sofa cushions and car seats are already full of goldfish crackers, 2. You already know all the Teletubbies by name and can sing their theme song in your sleep (which, in fact, you do several times a night), and, 3. Your home is already full of stuffed toys so horribly cute that, left to your own devices, you wouldn't even dignify them by knocking them off a shelf with a lumpy baseball at a carnival booth. The fact that you will never again in your life be left to your own devices only supports the logic of this position.

Then there's the other group, who claim steadfastly that one plus one equals much more than two. Curiously enough, this faction is composed chiefly of parents of more than one child. These people don't bother to substantiate their claims, other than shaking their heads wearily and muttering "Oh, you'll see."

Even though Stella is still new on the scene, I am beginning to understand what this second group is talking about. For the benefit of the other Homedaddies out there, I'll employ a little sports terminology.

With a single child, the parents have several defensive options. They can fall back on a simple zone defense, dividing up the rooms of the house, sections of the dinner table, or even sides of the bed. The zone defense can even be applied to the child's moods, allowing parents to utilize the Good Cop-Bad Cop technique so often seen in movies and on television shows (NOTE: the parent playing the good cop should never offer the child a cigarette).

Obviously, a single-child scenario provides unlimited opportunities for parents to double-team the child, allowing one parent to play aggressive defense on the strong side, secure in the knowledge that there will be weak-side help.

The addition of the second child forces parents to rethink their entire defensive strategy. The presence of a newborn, with her specialized needs, negates the opportunity for a zone defense, and forces the parents into man-to-man coverage.

Newborns, in particular, have a natural ability to draw the double-team from both parents, even if one parent does nothing more than stand there gawking in admiration. This used to happen to Michael Jordan all the time. It allows the remaining child, the cagey veteran, to exploit the resulting gap in the defense, whether that translates to an unguarded cookie jar or a mismatch against the cat.

Now that we have a second child, I can see that the arguments are valid on both sides. Even though Julia and I have to re-think our game plan, at least we already have those little plastic protectors in the electrical outlets.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.