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You Snooze You Lose

Of the many questions I receive from readers who have mistaken me for someone who knows anything, an amazing number of them (5, actually) deal with the subject of naps. Unaccustomed as I am to offering my opinions on matters of parental discretion, I feel compelled to chime in with my two cents' worth. It's my civic duty, and besides, the column has to be about something.

Q: If she doesn't want to take a nap, why should I force her? Does she even need it?
A: According to studies by The American Nap Council, missed naps are responsible for most domestic upheaval in families with young children. In their survey, 68 percent of all 2 - 4 year olds admit that fatigue was a factor in recent knee-scrapes and milk-spills, while 17 percent report dozing off while operating toy cars.

Q: How long should a nap last?
A: According to Homedaddy Research Laboratories, the length of a nap will vary from day to day, although wake-up time should be synchronous with food in the oven catching fire and a call from a telemarketer asking to speak to "the decision maker in the house."

Q: What can I do when my child refuses to nap even though she's passing out from exhaustion?
A: You won't get her to sleep by brute force, so humor her until she actually does pass out. Even if she hangs on for a couple of days, you will have won a moral victory.

Q: My 3-year-old son refuses to nap even though he still falls asleep in the car. What should I do?
A: Put his car seat in the bed, strap him in, and stand there jiggling the headboard and making car noises. You might even hang one of those little pine-scented cardboard trees from the light fixture.

Q: How will I know when she's ready to give up the daily nap?
A: There will be a series of subtle cues, beginning with screams of "Nooooo!" when you suggest any activities, including lunch, which historically have preceded a nap attempt.

Experts suggest that young children resist the urge to sleep because they are so interested in what's going on around them. The curious toddler is afraid she might miss something if she naps. If you find that your child simply cannot tear herself away from a pre-nap activity, try brandishing the VCR remote with an exaggerated gesture to put all life on earth on hold with the pause button. Then place the remote high on a shelf and promise you won't hit "play" till she returns from the nap.

As is always the case when lying to children, it is important to do a really good job of selling the concept. The child will carefully scrutinize you for evidence of deception. If she discovers, for example, that you are using a piece of rye toast instead of the remote control, your credibility will be severely damaged, and you can probably forget about that nap.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.