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Quiet Time Is Quality Time

A parent's life changes dramatically for the worse when a child begins to develop the ability to function without an afternoon nap. Traditional winding-down schemes begin to lose their effectiveness and must become more and more elaborate, until they are nothing less than afternoon-long play sessions.

Some parents claim that certain books are potent nap inducers, but I think it's all a function of the child's disposition. If the kid is determined to stay up, nothing will put him to sleep, not even the Tax Code. Likewise, anything will do for a child showing obvious signs of sleep-directed behavior such as nodding, staggering, or snoring.

Most parents tenaciously cling to the belief that, until a certain age, a child needs her nap. While there may be some truth to this, it is actually the parent who desperately, achingly, needs the child to knock off for a while. A short nap will do in a pinch, but one of those three hour Dead-To-The-World jobs can be a gift from heaven.

Perhaps I sound a bit jaded. After all, isn't a child your pride and joy, your treasure, you raison d'"tre? Well, sure. Still, there's nothing like a little breather to keep that lovelight glowing. Just imagine having the Mona Lisa hanging on your living room wall. Ah, beauty, rapture, and all that jazz. Now imagine sitting in front of it strapped into a metal folding chair, with Clockwork Orange-style eyelid clamps, forced to stare at it unblinkingly for days, weeks, years on end. It could conceivably diminish your appreciation for the quality of the work.

So it goes with children. Even the most devoted parent needs a break, although we never want to be so blunt with our kids. Instead, we put that old Parent Spin on it: "Your body needs a nap and I only want what's best for you." For obvious reasons, we never mention the fact that if we can't get an hour away from them right now, we could become a serious flight risk.

It is one of mother Nature's cruel pranks that makes children ready to give up naps about the same time that a parent craves an afternoon break so badly he's begun to see mirages of empty, quiet rooms. Thus, we arrive at a fascinating little concept called "Quiet Time."

Most children are initially unclear on Quiet Time procedure, probably because parents tend to describe it by what it is not. It is not watching television, or going outside, or eating a snack. It is most definitely not playing a game with the parent. A cardinal rule of Quiet Time is that it must happen without parental participation of any kind. In fact, Quiet Time should in no way be confused with Fun. Quiet Time is not a reward; it is a price to be paid for opting out of a nap. Sort of a penalty for early withdrawal.

Ideally, Quiet Time is that it is exactly like Nap Time, except that the child is allowed to have her eyes open.

By imposing strict limitations on Quiet Time activities, you can cling to your little daily slice of sanity without resorting to the Old School tactic of warning the child to stay out of your hair. Meanwhile, there's always the possibility that your child will become nostalgic. If naptime starts to look good by comparison, maybe he'll think twice tomorrow.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.