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Ask Homedaddy à Career Change

Ask any child: it's a tough job. The workplace is fraught with politics, favoritism, and constantly changing regulations. This week, "Ask Homedaddy" offers career advice for the working kid.

Dear Homedaddy,
I have always loved my job as a single-child in a small mom & pop company, and by all indications, I am darn good at it. Management has always been elaborate in their praise for my work, and I've cruised through all my performance reviews with flying colors. Last year they even threw a company party to celebrate my promotion from two-year-old to three-year-old. They have never suggested that my work is lacking, or that my department should broaden its scope.

Then, a few months ago, without so much as a memo, they brought a new hire into my department. It's bad enough that I wasn't consulted, but the new guy had no experience whatsoever. We're talking below entry level. He has been totally nonproductive and has needed absolutely everything done for him. And yet, far as I can tell, he's receiving the same compensation and benefits package as I am.

Since when did we have the funding for additional staff? I can't even count the times I've been denied a toy or candy request on the basis of budgetary constraints.

What's more, the bosses seem to think that this guy is the greatest thing to come along since disposable diapers, while I'm getting less and less recognition all the time. I'm at it hammer and tongs, day in and day out à putting on my own socks, going to the bathroom by myself, you name it à and nobody says a word. Meanwhile, this guy so much as burps and they take his picture and call the relatives.

When he's not sleeping, eating, or taking extended bathroom breaks, he cries at the slightest provocation and makes my whole department look bad. He goes right over my head with his complaints, straight to management. Even though I am the Department Head, with track record and seniority, they're eroding my authority by allowing him to function as a direct-report. I think there must be nepotism involved here. I mean, if this guy weren't related to the bosses, there's no way he'd make the grade.

This has got me thinking that perhaps a career change is in order. At very least, I want a promotion to four-year-old, and if my bosses won't give me what I deserve, maybe I'll just run away and look for a position with another company. Do you think I could find a position as a five-year-old, maybe if I pad the old resume a little bit?
Signed, Upwardly Mobile

Dear Upwardly,
Your story is a common one among older siblings, who are usually the de facto heads of child departments in these mom & pop outfits. I strongly advise you to try and move up within your company rather than strike out on your own. Although it is not unknown for extremely talented children to skip a grade in school, it is very rare to see a kid skip a year in age. This involves fudging more than a resume; unless you are skilled at document forgery, you should forget it. Keep your head down and try to stay out of office politicsð the new guy will probably wear out his welcome sooner or later. Meanwhile, the standard promotion track should land you the four-year-old gig sooner than you might think.

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© Todd Pinsky 1998-2002. All rights reserved.